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Inspiration Detail | A Mother's Support

A Mother's Support

The day I had been waiting for had finally arrived—my daughter’s wedding day. This special day brought with it many mixed emotions. I was happy for her and her future, bittersweet that my baby was no longer my baby and relieved that the day was finally here. Now that this memorable day has come and gone, I reflect on it from time to time asking myself, “If I had to do it again, what would I do differently?”

Inevitably, the day passes much too quickly. Several times since the wedding, friends have asked my advice on navigating the year-long journey as Mother of the Bride. What worked well for me was to operate by a few well-chosen principles. 

This is your daughter and future son-in-law’s day. That seems like an obvious statement, right? Well, not so fast! Keeping this simple fact in the forefront can be challenging, especially if you are paying for the wedding. It is so easy to get caught up in planning a gathering for your friends and theirs that you momentarily forget the true focus of the day. You must always remember that the little touches and personality of this event should reflect the couple —and no one else. Keep them involved! Ask questions about what they like, ask about their vision and remember to ask what they do NOT want as part of their day.

Sorry Mom, it’s not about you. I know I just said that, but it bears repeating. This is where many plans hit the skids. You must step aside and let your daughter take center stage. Keep this guiding principle at the top of your mind and plan accordingly. First things first — be mindful of your attire. Many people will be in attendance, so you want to look your best; but your daughter is the one who should be grabbing their attention. Select attire that suits your body type and personal style, yet does not distract from the wedding party. The colors need to blend nicely. You definitely don’t need to match the bridesmaids, but you don’t want to clash with the color palette either. Beware of plunging necklines or high hemlines. It will be a long day and those choices limit your ability to move about freely as well as compromise the comfort of you and your guests. 

As you tackle the long list of details, keep repeating, “It’s not about me, it’s about the kids.” If you do this, you will be on the right path toward planning a wedding that is truly personal to the couple while keeping the relationship with your daughter intact. 

Staying poised is sometimes easier said than done. Planning a wedding will present stressful times. This is where you can shine! Freak-out moments are had by most; but if you stay calm and rational, it will give your daughter much assurance that things are well in hand. Also, it is contagious. Almost every detail can be fixed, adapted or worked around. I made it my goal to assure the planning was as stress free as possible for my daughter. Now, I am definitely not Wonder Woman and I cannot control every event. I just realized that if I was a “mom-zilla” to the florist or had a meltdown over the color of the party mints, my daughter was likely to feel that stress. She should not have to worry about my behavior along with all the details of planning. So if you take care of those concerns, you will have a wonderful event. Behind every relaxed, beautiful bride is a mother with strong shoulders who can deflect any negativity and keep smiling. Do your best to dispel any frustrations and the day will be grand!

Keep communicating! Talk about the details as much as time will allow. Talking through the day will almost always bring up something you haven’t thought about. Also, it is imperative to talk with the groom’s family. They often wish to be involved in some aspect of the planning and it is your job to initiate that communication. Visit with the Mother of the Groom about your dress. That will make her more comfortable about her own selection. Communicate about budgets. Whether high or low, talking about it keeps everyone informed and on track.

Mom, remember that you are the mood setter, initiator and all-around problem solver of this event. While no one can guarantee the day will go without a hitch, if you keep these principles in mind, you will look back on the day with great pride, joy and anticipation about what is to come! |NWD|